Self validation
Those of us that find ourselves in the trenches, fighting our eating disorder, are going to be people pleasers, looking after everyone around us regardless of whether they’ve asked us to or not.
Our perceptions of what others are thinking directs our world almost as much as Slug’s own temperamental, abusive, moaning, but if we are going to plot and maintain our own course through this beautiful thing called life, we have to foster a sense of Self along the way… This isn’t easy, and we do it through validating who we are, what we think and where we find ourselves.
I believe I was 34 when my Self was truly revealed, which for some reason I thought was late… Further proof of the general imbecility that Slug had been accusing me of for the previous two decades. But according to the writings of Carl Jung, a rather prominent psychoanalyst and student of the Self, I was right on time.
Jung writes that the second half of our life can represent “a return to, and conscious rediscovery of, the Self: individuation.”
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self_in_Jungian_psychology
After a lifetime of existing with our immediate family, community, and hometowns, it is our job to fling ourselves into the unknown void on the edge of what is known, in order to test, find, and reveal who we are without all those labels around us. Rather like the ‘Hero's journey’ that Joseph Campbell wrote so extensively about, there will be a knock at our door and our choices are this: We either heed the call to adventure and face dangers and triumphs unknown, or; we stay at home and continue on in exactly the same patterns of existing forever.
Don’t get too excited, it turns out this adventure is less filled with elves, orks, and gold-loving dragons, and more filled with slow and stilted conversations with no one other than you. Super!
Before I answered this ‘adventurous’ call; the music I listened to changed depending on who I was with, the clothes I wore shifted depending on what other people thought of them, and of course, my weight and happiness yo-yoed around depending on the trials, tribulations, and tragedies that the world and Slug were throwing my way.
I wasn’t happy unless everyone and everything around me was happy and that meant that happiness was a rather elusive presence in my life.
The point of what I’m talking about here with Self validation is to create a baseline of what we know about ourselves and require the rest of the world to meet it, IF they want to enjoy the gift of us in their lives.
If someone (or thing) doesn’t meet the baseline we don’t burrow down to meet them, we simply stay where we are as they scurry along beneath us. This is hard and goes against what feels like our nature, but remember, most of what we consider to be our Self is a mental illness at this point, so everything’s bound to feel a bit weird!
It is our job, and no one else's, to make ourselves feel proud, peaceful, sexy, worthy, smart and validated. We’ve been taught by our society, our inner circle, and our Slugs to rely on these outer sources but it’s time to take back control and have faith that what works for us, is not dependent on making others comfortable. Our comfort is ours alone.
You may start self-validating with the food you enjoy but let’s face it, where eating disorders are concerned food is just one of the categories, so start wherever you like.
Make a playlist of songs that make YOUR body dance, even if it’s by bands and genres that other people make fun of.
Dress in an outfit that makes YOU happy, even if the colours clash.
Grow plants that YOU enjoy looking after, or maybe you want a jungle of plastic flowers that you hand paint with all kinds of wacky patterns?
Who knows what beautiful things await you in this life you’re building?
Validate your Self.
Congratulate your Self.
Hold your Self accountable.
You deserve to be seen in all your glory.
XXX ALi
