Proud
I am bloody obsessed with the therapeutic benefits of art making. I can’t seem to separate the wealth of what happens on the canvas from the treasures (and horrors) that are excavated from my mind during the process.
And I know I’m not alone. I teach 80 students a week and every student is on their own timetable, fighting demons, and finding angels as they plough through paint and try to make some magic happen!
After decades of trying to find my way through my own mental landscape, it is art making that has been consistently shepherding me along the way. Sometimes it feels like the equivalent of stabbing myself in the eyeballs with dull pins, at other times it feels delightful! Regardless of the feeling, it is the teaching that keeps me coming back… Both what the art teaches me, and the ability to further teach that learning to my students.
The lesson that comes through the strongest for me, particularly over the last two years, is how damn important pride is to the human psyche… or at least to my psyche. Isn’t that where half the fear (at least) comes from when we procrastinate from starting the next creative project?
The thing is, and here’s the real interesting part about art and pride for me, is that an artwork is just an endless series of mistakes piled on top of one another until they all combine to make something that looks and feels (almost) perfect.
There is a constant tension between being so pride-ful that we get stuck in cycles of self-sabotage on the one hand, whilst we attempt to foster the growth of healthy pride that comes with getting off our collective ass and creating something on the other.
We fear mistakes because our pride can’t handle being imperfect, yet we know through practise that the perfect artwork begins and continues with layers of mistakes.
Our life, art, bodies, and minds aren’t more worthy when they lack mistakes, yet for some reason this is what we believe that we believe . But we all know, somewhere inside of us, that everything increases in beauty literally because of the mistakes. It is the fight through it and the richness that such a fight is awarded that we admire in others, the trick, is to admire it in ourselves.
Pride before a mistake is made will hold you down, entrapping your feet in lead, halting your growth and getting entirely in the way of your transformation. You won’t paint, write, speak, dance, or have any kind of fun whatsoever. However, pride after you’ve done a doozy, will lift you up, make you bigger, and give you wings to fly up to the next mistake-ridden obstacle.
Art is alchemy, make no mistake… But if you want to turn lead into gold, you might have to make a few others.
XXX ALi
