Biggining at the begining
It’s so hard to know where to begin sometimes, I know it’s something my students struggle with when they are starting a new piece, or even a new section of a continuing piece, but, as Lewis Carroll said in Alice in Wonderland, “Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end, then stop”.
So in an effort to begin at the beginning, my name’s Ali, and I’m a human, a woman, cis gendered, and mostly able-bodied one at that. I am also an artist, a teacher, a hopeful writer, and a believer that creativity is a fantastic vehicle to mental wealth.
That last point is a big one for me, in addition to all of the above I’ve also had a pretty tumultuous relationship with mental health due to a very long relationship with eating disorders, disordered eating, body dysmorphia, and a true and complete lack of self. My recovery from all of that is what has brought me to this point today, a space where I feel whole enough and proud enough to be able to shout from the rooftops, “I believe in ME!!!!!!!”
Brave Arts is a physical love letter to my self belief that officially started 4 years ago when I began taking small steps into teaching art, primarily at our family run art school, Arts Tree. From there I have swelled and grown, constantly biginning and stretching my identity to take up more and more space, in an effort to encourage others to do exactly the same.
The bravery however started long ago, in 2010, when I realised that I could continue to live with an eating disorder, continually shrinking and grovelling on the ground floor of my own personal hell hole, or I could take responsibility, throw out victim-hood, and do what I could to overcome my demons.
This was not in any way an easy task.
My hope is that I can pass on this act of ‘Biginning’ to everyone who comes into contact with me. Art is the vehicle because it’s what I’ve been surrounded by my whole life, it’s where my education lies, it’s where I feel comfortable, but it’s also such an elegant and unassuming way to teach self-belief and resilience. I’m not here as a therapist, I’m just here teaching you critique and a few artistic how-to’s. In my world, each person is their own therapist, coaching themselves through the rollercoaster that is any art-piece, with me at the sidelines, aware of the fight and cheering them on as best I can.
When my mental health was small I couldn’t imagine a world that was open and free, or rather, I could, and it terrified the shit out of me. I wanted to not have the pressure, the voice, the pain, and the feelings of lack, but I was obscenely and aggressively worried that without that controlling troll I would bounce around in chaos forever.
As I have gotten older and travelled further along the path towards recovery/ remission I’ve realised three things:
To be controlled is to be abused
My purpose is not here to shrink
I wasn’t alone in any of it
I’ve made the bold choice and decided that it’s important to talk about all of this. To make waves about the intersection of art making and mental wealth, to highlight it, draw it out and shout it from the roof tops!
My purpose, like so many others, is to share. Through sharing we connect, and we realise that though we are all specks of dust floating around in chaos, we can make a mighty fine constellation if we shine brightly enough. I’m here as a survivor from a certain type of life story with a few tips and tricks on how to get through it.
Sometimes those tips will be very art-related, to enable people to move forward through a physical art problem. At other times, they’ll be a little more cerebral and highly related to re-jigging thought patterns, embracing failure and chaos.
Here I am, biginning, at the beginning, not really sure where I’m going, but fantastically stoked to be here.
I hope you are too.
Thanks for being here,
ALi
